Learning that Iceland’s Minister for the Interior is trying to ban internet porn, TV host Stephen Colbert recently joked that there is now nothing to do in Iceland. Well, for the sex-starved residents of the wind-scarred island located in the middle of the North Atlantic Ocean, Edward Weinman offers ten alternatives to Internet porn.
Step out into the Reykjavík nightlife and get your buzz on at Kaffibarinn. After a few beers, vodka and Red Bulls and shots of brennivín you’ll have the requisite liquid courage to chat up the Nordic beauties frequenting Reykjavik’s hippest pub.
Eat rams’ testicles. It’s not the same thing, but with enough vodka they taste like chicken.
Listen to the cult band Sigur Rós. Halfway through one of the melodic band’s glacially slow albums, your sex-drive will cease, and you’ll fall asleep like a baby.
Just about every Icelander is also a filmmaker. So enroll at Reykjavík Film Academy, and after the six-week session you can make your own porno.
Head to a strip bar. Wait... Iceland already banned gentlemen’s clubs.
Read all 13 crime novels by Arnaldur Indriðason.
Attempt to learn Icelandic. After 20 minutes of studying Icelandic grammar you’ll have a headache and no longer be in the mood for sex.
Sign up to sail with Kristján Loftsson on his whaling fleet. A day spent at sea hunting minke whales for “scientific purposes” will gross you out you’ll never want to have intercourse again.
Eat out at one of Reykjavík's fish restaurants and dine on minke whale served for “scientific purposes.”
Become a sheep farmer. In Iceland, sheep outnumber people. You do the math.
Edward Weinman - email@example.com
Edward Weinman is a former feature writer for Iceland Review. His debut thriller, The Ring Road, is available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble and at theroguereader.com. Edward co-wrote the film A Little Trip to Heaven with Baltasar Kormakur. A psychological thriller starring Forest Whitaker, Jeremy Renner and Julia Stiles, Little Trip screened at the 2006 Sundance Film Festival.