Ladies and gentlemen of the foreign investors’ community,
May I have your attention, please. Thank you for attending Iceland’s “the krónur from strength to strength” event. I know I am not alone when I say that for the past few years, we have all been enjoying the generosity our powerful currency has bestowed upon us and you. We have vacationed in Spain, stockpiled cheap electronics from the US, and taken out loans to buy bigger and better 4x4s and SUVs, all thanks to the power of the krónur and your blind optimism of its strength.
But for now, the party’s over.
Investors, please collect your things, sell your shares, hedge your bets, close your accounts, and leave our island. Can’t remember your way back to airport? Don’t worry; we have plenty of trucks to escort you, ever so slowly, off the premises.
But we’ll be fine. The hardy inhabitants of this tiny nation have dealt with more than pesky financial challenges in the past.
Attention tourists: For a limited time, we’re slashing cover charges for a chance to see the land of fire and ice. Use your dollars, euros, and yen now to take advantage of a 30 percent fall in the krónur in the last three months. But don’t delay: with so many of our foreign friends leaving the party, we’re paying much more for vital imports like oil, fertilizer and avocados from Peru. Other local hosts have already promised to raise prices by more than 14 percent. Visit our island now before inflation rears its ugly head once again.
Dear investors, we want you to feel safe and needed on our island, even though the current party is over. Our central bank has raised interest rates to record levels. And our banks have stockpiles of foreign currency and investments abroad. But we understand that you are a fickle lot, and you’re already looking for the Next Big Thing.
In your absence, we’ll be tightening our belts, finding buyers for our monster trucks, cutting back on spa treatments, and postponing building that hot pot in the backyard. But we’re confident that before you know it, we’ll be having another party with our currency.
And then, mark my words, you’ll all be back for more.
ER – [email protected]