The Ambassador’s Qualifications (VH)


Vala Hafstað's picture

Your language skills must be abundant.
Political sense ain’t redundant.
You need to know much about law,
Be able to write without flaw.

You must have creative potential,
Since writing a speech is essential.
Don’t stutter or mumble your lines.
Go easy on liquor and wines.

You must be respectful and charming.
Demeanor like that is disarming.
You need to be patient and wise
And tolerate all kinds of guys.

And how to make small talk will matter,
Be fluent in meaningless chatter
With people you must entertain,
Since interest is what you must feign.

Now, all the above is required
For you to be possibly hired,
But don’t think those skills are enough—
The contest you’re facing is tough.

You must have been negligent, heedless.
An excellent record is needless.
You must have ignored all the cries
That warned of your country’s demise.

You need to have watched us go faster
And faster toward a disaster.
If you are that person, we do
Believe that the job is for you.

© Vala Hafstad ​– [email protected]

Reykjavík Grapevine: Former PM Geir Haarde Lands Ambassador Appointment

Iceland Review: Haarde Named Iceland’s New Ambassador to the U.S.

Vala is the author of News Muse: Humorous Poems Inspired by Strange News, available in bookstores and on

Views expressed here are the author's own and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Iceland Review.